I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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