I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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