I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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