y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
