If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
