Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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