just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
