You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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