he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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