why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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