Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
