I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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