I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
