I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
