Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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