FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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