well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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