I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
