we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
