I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas