Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!