Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
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Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it