Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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