I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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