I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
