So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
