Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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