it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
