i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
