I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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