Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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