you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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