3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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