Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
