Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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