where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
