i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
