that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
