I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
