Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
