it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
