I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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