No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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