wakey wakey hands off snakey
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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