Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize