PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*