I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join