I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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