would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
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The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere