Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.