Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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