I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
and she was petting her beer can
Why is your signature on my underwear?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?