Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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