just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
