Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
