To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
