So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
