Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
