Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
