I accidentally had phone sex last night
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
