so that wasnt chicken after all
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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