I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
