good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
