dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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