Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
