Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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