when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
