sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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