Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
