i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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