He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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