I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
