No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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