Little spoons don't ask big questions
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
