standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
