One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
