wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I did not marry a roomba.
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