I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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