Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
