i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
