Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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